Headband Guy's Secret Nightlife

Headband Guy '08 ("Ciprian Stratulat") has rarely been seen outside the Quad Library during business hours, but Gossip Geek now has evidence that he spends his nights living in a lavish '80s fantasy land. In the library on Saturday night, GG investigators noticed him over-excitedly gathering up his schoolbooks and decided on a whim to find out what makes Headband Guy tick. After hiding his books under an armchair, he proceeded directly from the library to the Hong Kong (more commonly known as the Hong). There, he met up with a jolly band of friends and waited in line for a coveted spot in the restaurant's seedy upstairs "night club."


After they spent nearly an hour at the Hong, we followed the drunken, sweaty group to Leverett Towers, but instead of retiring for the night, they immediately returned to the streets armed with an extra-large boombox.


Embarrassingly, Headband Guy and friends turned the boombox to top volume and bopped along to 80s hits like the Miami Vice themesong and "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael as we trailed them for almost a mile. We thought we couldn't hope for a destination more exciting than an off-campus apartment, but this time Headband Guy surpassed our wildest dreams by leading us deep into the heart of Central Square's infamously dangerous red-light district. There, they approached the crummiest-looking "booby joint" on the block, where a jovial bouncer instantly welcomed them inside without an ID check, causing us to believe Headband Guy may be a regular patron or even a close personal friend of the owner. It is not hard to speculate about the rest of Headband Guy's evening, given the 80s techno-beat porn music blaring from within and the steady traffic of rowdy men (all suspiciously resembling the singer/songwriter Günther) and scantily-clad women in neon spandex. Two and a half hours later when we reluctantly left our post, the gentlemen in question still had not emerged from the establishment.




Your friend,
Humprey