Some so-called scientists in the astronomical arena have begun to claim that the universe is growing, expanding, and items within it are being drawn further and further apart. As the resident physicist here at Gossip Geek, I have come here today to notify you all that this theory is wrong, and only we have the proof for why: if the universe is expanding away from itself, then how come the celebrity universe seems to be coming closer and closer together?
The Harvard celebs seem only to be creating a smaller and smaller circle for themselves, much to the chagrin of those guys over at NASA that keep trying to tell us that circles are only getting bigger. We’ve seen it before with the motley crew of Mike T. Hess ’08, Nick Brown ’08, and Tim Hwang ’08 dancing the night away with Paris Hilton. We saw it last weekend with the Dunster nudie soiree. And yesterday we experienced it happening all too close to us when our intrepid paparazzi ran into a mysterious trio of Harvard superstars furtively whispering to each other in the corner of a campus eatery known to be a steamy hotbed of heavyweight eminence. Our audacious camera lenses caught none other than jolly Callbacks singing sensation and world-renowned supermodel Derek V. Flanzraich ’10 fraternizing with a couple of questionable characters, among them rising celebutanteBrian K. Kaufman ’10 and snarky former fisherman Charles James ’10, both involved in the campuswide power-guzzling secret society known only as On Harvard Time. Our cameras first captured Flanzraich and Kaufman communicating in interrupted whispers and looking suspiciously around them as if waiting for a third person. They appeared particularly distressed when approached mid-conversation by a woman who was either a cafeteria worker or Drew Faust, but our research on the identity of the female has been inconclusive. She was shooed away by being handed a mysteriously manila envelope, Pulp Fiction-style, in which our reporters could only suspect was something HUPD would not be all too happy to see.
A little while later, we saw the surname-less James approach the furtive couple with some hearty laughs and out-of-place mirth. Flanzraich was seen visibly calming his crony Kaufman, who by then had turned an unnatural shade of red, down as the latter began to panic from the conspicuous merriment, which brought the attention of the entire establishment onto the three. This eccentric behavior leads our sources to believe that there was some fishy stuff going on at this table, possibly related to illegal arms sales in Massachusetts to fund commercials for Kaufman’s latest foray into the carpet industry. We leave you with this video evidence to judge for yourselves:
The Harvard celebs seem only to be creating a smaller and smaller circle for themselves, much to the chagrin of those guys over at NASA that keep trying to tell us that circles are only getting bigger. We’ve seen it before with the motley crew of Mike T. Hess ’08, Nick Brown ’08, and Tim Hwang ’08 dancing the night away with Paris Hilton. We saw it last weekend with the Dunster nudie soiree. And yesterday we experienced it happening all too close to us when our intrepid paparazzi ran into a mysterious trio of Harvard superstars furtively whispering to each other in the corner of a campus eatery known to be a steamy hotbed of heavyweight eminence.
Our audacious camera lenses caught none other than jolly Callbacks singing sensation and world-renowned supermodel Derek V. Flanzraich ’10 fraternizing with a couple of questionable characters, among them rising celebutante Brian K. Kaufman ’10 and snarky former fisherman Charles James ’10, both involved in the campuswide power-guzzling secret society known only as On Harvard Time. Our cameras first captured Flanzraich and Kaufman communicating in interrupted whispers and looking suspiciously around them as if waiting for a third person. They appeared particularly distressed when approached mid-conversation by a woman who was either a cafeteria worker or Drew Faust, but our research on the identity of the female has been inconclusive. She was shooed away by being handed a mysteriously manila envelope, Pulp Fiction-style, in which our reporters could only suspect was something HUPD would not be all too happy to see.
A little while later, we saw the surname-less James approach the furtive couple with some hearty laughs and out-of-place mirth. Flanzraich was seen visibly calming his crony Kaufman, who by then had turned an unnatural shade of red, down as the latter began to panic from the conspicuous merriment, which brought the attention of the entire establishment onto the three.
This eccentric behavior leads our sources to believe that there was some fishy stuff going on at this table, possibly related to illegal arms sales in Massachusetts to fund commercials for Kaufman’s latest foray into the carpet industry. We leave you with this video evidence to judge for yourselves:
2 comments:
no one cares about on harvard time.
It's "farther" - not "further," genius
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