Anatomy of a Gossip Geek Article: the Randall Sarafa Edition

Loosely based on the Sex and the Ivy series "Anatomy of an Outfit", this series will give you the inside scoop on how we do things around here. This story is slightly embellished, but on the whole pretty accurate:

0.00 seconds: Spot Randall Sarafa '09 several yards from you and your friends. Instinctively begin to give him a (flirty) wave.

0.01 seconds: "OMG WHY AM I NOT TAKING A PICTURE OF HIM FOR GOSSIP GEEK?!?!?!?!"

0.02 s: Stop waving.

0.03 s: Hide. Pray.

0.1 s: Proceed to take your friends arm in the hopes that you will disappear. Take out camera and snap a picture.

6 s: "That picture sucks! I think he saw me!" Run away. Forget that you are still clamped onto your friend's arm. Realize you partly took your friend's arm to inspire jealousy from several parties you passed on your journey. Realize no one in their right mind would ever think twice about your perennially reluctant partner in crime.

7 s: Friend: "ow!"

8 s: He totally saw me. Shit.

20 s: "Damn it- I missed my opportunity! That was a good bunch he was with, too."

1 min: "Look he's over there! I bet I could take a good picture of him from here!"

1:30 min: your friends leave you behind.

1:40 min: Wait for him and his pals to emerge from a tree. Snap a photo.

Later that evening...

Success! A picture of Sarafa in clear negotiation with some patrons, taking a stroll around his habitual stomping grounds! As a reporter, I was fairly certain this business was directly related to the SaROFL Brothel (hey! that rhymes!) we've been keeping our constituents updated on, but little did I know that in my treasure trove of photos I would find something even more damning:
Randall SaROFL and Leonard Simmermann '09?????????? Something is obviously amiss when these two ex-Veep candidates are fraternizing in public (!!!). Rumors of even an alleged affair hit our offices when these pictures got there, but we know better than to follow red herrings. The negotiations here aren't romantic: they're part of a red herring within a red herring...

After previously being implicated in a nefarious plot of university warfare with partner-in-crime Matt Sundquist '09 and campus mercenary Tyler G. Hall '11 (also spotted nearby), Sarafa needed to put on a peaceful front to divert from the violent underpinnings of the UC juggernaut's current conspiracy. Who better than Zimmermann, a man few believe even exist and those who do praise/condemn him for his egregious pacifism??? Nice try SaROFL- we wouldn't be surprised if Simmermann himself was part of your mercenary sniper army!

Be on the lookout for more info on this! And if you have any humorous stories from when you tried to take a GG photo and almost got caught, email us at gossipgeek@gmail.com!