A Question More Important Than Your GPA

Is there any effing way Jimi Hendrix could be hottttter??

Nope. He may even be one of the top three hottest men EVAR. That's right. (And yeah, this has nothing to do with Harvard "celebs.")

1. He is a GENIUS. The best guitarist ever, changed everything. HOT.

2. ...and a genius who has sex with his ART. While simultaneously improvising some of the best guitar solos ever. Please toss your final papers to the wind like I have and watch these instant-orgasm-triggering videos:
a. pinning his guitar to the wall and thrusting wildly, then riding it on the floor with unambiguous O-faces, then "finishing" with wild sprays of lighter fluid before setting it aflame. This is straight-up porn, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm not afraid to admit I regularly view this video "privately."
b. A long solo with him eating out his guitar. Again, unambiguous. Am I wrong?


3. HAWT BODY:
a. Abs of STEEL. When does he have time to work out? He doesn't. He just happens to have a six-pack.
b. Incomprehensively huge penis. And we have PROOF, since some lucky, lucky woman made a plaster mold. Don't be fooled by the miniature cast's 5.75" length. Hah. "The Canadian underground paper Georgia Straight called it the 'Penis de Milo.' There's no denying that Jimi towers over most of my collection. His [censored lengthy description] brings a shudder to the spinal cord!"


4. The Bad Boy element. Lived hard, died young... We all know there's something all too sexxxy about passionate self-destructive geniuses who go out in a flame of glory, as painful that it is that they're not alive to throw me into bed and [censored 10 lines]!!!!!!111!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess it's time to get that fifth extension on my 7-page paper so I can go "let off some steam" for the rest of the night.