Dirty Communists Discover Owl Cookbook, Hilarity Ensues

We here at GossipGeek love celebrity, peace, love, and UC elections, but we've always been a bit lukewarm about the Final Clubs. I mean, it's just so easy to find celebrities there, and it does bother us that a lot of characters that lurk in the dark trenches of the Fox or the Spee are only popular/famous/celebs because they have the money to sit around, drink, and rape freshmen all day. Like, really, people like Matt Di Pascuale '08 are letting it all hang out for a piece of the limelight, working for a living, while these do-nothings sip expensive champagne and expect to have a place on our blog? Sorry, bros, but you're going to have to earn your fame here.

But, anyway, the point is, some communists found the Holy Grail of the Owl Club, the lamest final club that isn't the AD (or, like, the Oak or whatever). We know it's from the Owl because it has owls all over it, and we know they are communists because,

"...we reserve the right to do one thing today and another tomorrow, to hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evening, and criticise after dinner, just as we have a mind, without ever becoming hunter, fisherman, herdsman or critic."

Nice try fooling us, Cabot Commies! We're already familiar with Maryellen "Mel" McGowan '09, the campaign manager for Sundquist-Sarafa who once proclaimed "this is just like a presidential election!" while Martel-Zimmermann campaign manager Laura Hensch '08 described how her job exclusively consisted of her dancing to "Body Glow" with a boom box in front of the Science Center. And "Garrett" Dash Nelson '10 like to recycle, or something, and that one time he tried to get an acclaimed FYSC chair in trouble for "Contributing to the Delinquency of Minors" (this is what we call a "wet blanket"). Oh, and we have no idea who Jon-Mark Overvold '12 is, but he seems to like Marx.

That said, this crack team of detectives has definitely garnered our respect for coming up with this. And they've done more than a good enough job of dissecting the ridiculous etiquette manual the Owl hands out to their members. We're not even going to try to go there.

So, instead- let's be meta! and dissect this website, "Legion". If this were a game of Password, our response to "Legion" would probably be "Diamond", but, unfortunately, this blog doesn't have any naked Diamond Di Pascuales on it (or Fancy Fiona Fongs '08). Instead, it's a political/philosophical commentary blog a la Gadfly (but don't hate it just yet!). Unlike Gadfly, which gives you appropriate post-reading instructions by heading up the blog with a painting of Socrates killing himself after reading one blog post, Legion is not made up of the creme de la creme of Crimed smarm. They're much more down to earth, and instead of talking about things you used to care about and then ruining them, they talk about things you could care less about, but in a charming manner. Also, they really hate rich people.

BUT! We have also discovered that the greatest Dem Apples blogger to ever live, and our favorite Harvard blogger, Markus Kolic '09, is an associate! We can't really hate them now. But, yeah, dudes, chill with the socioeconomic inequality. No one cares. Blogroll link?

Ergo, final clubs suck.