Do the Speedos Make the Man? A Conversation With Douglas Duquette '09

If you've been to Annenberg Freshman Welcome festivities any time in the past three years, you know who he is: the gallant man with larger-than-life flair and a speedo the size of a Ken doll. If you've read Fifteen Minutes in the past two weeks, you'll recognize him in his trademark outfit, flexing into the sunrise by the Charles. Douglas Duquette '09 is perhaps one of the most interesting and perplexing figures on the Harvard celebrity scene, a celebrity in his own right, but mysteriously lacking underhanded activity, pomp, political conspiracies or general ego issues. We didn't think it was possible for such a harmless, joyful, unambitious type to exist on this campus, so we decided to scope Doug out just a little more and get all the juicy dirt we could find. Unfortunately, Doug is a decent man (which means no prostitution scandals), but we did cut up a nice slice of personality for your reading pleasure. Check it out! And if you see Doug walking down Mass Ave., say hello: he's a happy, personable fellow, despite the penchant for partial nudity!

A lot of people know you only as that guy on FM in a speedo. Tell us more about yourself- deep, philosophical things. Things you tell a lover when they're upset at you.

I'm not sure why I would tell an upset lover deep, philosophical things. Unless you mean on the nature of love? Of friendship and compromise? Things about the inherent inability of one person to ever completely understand or come to the truth of another? Of how we all misrepresent ourselves, misinterpret one another, and that this, more than any real difference, is the true cause of our conflict? Of how we should allow ourselves, instead, to sympathize -- to literally feel what one another feels -- to forgive, to love wholly, to lose and immerse ourselves in each other's being?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I use a lot of rhetorical questions when in a lovers' tiff.

Tell us three things about yourself that you would want in a supermarket tabloid.

There is nothing a supermarket tabloid could come up with that would stick to me. If we're talking positive things they could say, probably one would be that I have a private dinosaur collection. Mostly because I wish that was true in real life. Hm... I think it would be funny to be reputed to have dated someone outlandish, like Kathie Lee Gifford. Not that she's outlandish herself -- she seems like a perfect gentlewoman. But she's way older than me -- and married? I think she's married. Oh, and then that could be followed up with something like Regis Philbin came to my house late one night drunk and started a huge fight because of some love triangle thing. I think everyone is rooting for Regis to secretly have the hots for Kathie Lee. I'm just talking out of my ass at this point, but, yeah, those are my three.

When did you first adopt your exhibitionist lifestyle?

Well, really I think that my parents are responsible for my "exhibitionist lifestyle" in having signed me up for the swimming team around age 7. Since then I've had a pretty tumultuous relationship with speedos -- loosing them, ripping them, buying them too small or too large. It's funny though -- the speedo is a dying breed. Now competitive swimmers wear those things that look kind of like bicycle shorts that go almost down to the knees -- or if they think they're REALLY cool they wear one of those god-awful full body suits. I was one of two kids on my high school swimming team who still wore a speedo. And I was damn proud of it.

A lot of people claim to have a "one thing" that got them into Harvard- what is your thing and how would you describe it?

Well, I think that my "one thing" that got me into Harvard was displayed pretty prominently on the front page, as well as the front and back covers of FM. I also wrote my application essay about committing a misdemeanor. I think they probably felt like Harvard needed more badasses.

What is the history of your name, Duquette?
I can give you the history of my name according to my Pepé -- my dad's father (he's French Canadian.) I can't verify the reliability of this information, since for the first eight or so years of my life he had me convinced that his grandfather had married an Indian princess. Nevertheless, here's his story: apparently my great-great-whatever-ancestor was a pikeman (these were guys who weren't in the knight class but fought along side knights as support) and apparently some big bad duke got knocked off of his horse and my predecessor staved off and killed all of the bad guys. The duke was pretty pumped to have been saved, and gave my great ancestor a bunch of land, making him a little duke -- or "Duquette."

So we googled your name and found you to be a local hiking enthusiast in Denver, Colorado. How is that going for you?

It's interesting you refer to Denver, Colorado as "local." I always thought of it as pretty far away from Cambridge. I do love hiking though, and I hiked around Colorado a bit several summers back. It's beautiful there, I highly recommend going to Colorado in the summer -- the weather is beautiful, there's a huge variety of things to do, and it's cheaper than in the winter. Also, I hope that when future employers google me all they find is some dude in Colorado and not this interview coupled with pictures of me in a posing pouch.

Do you like your wheels spun? If so, how fast?

I think 20 mph is a pretty comfortable pace, and this corresponds to about 540 m/min. If the diameter of a bicycle wheel is about 0.69 m, the circumference is around 4.3 m which means that I like my wheels spun at around 130 rpm, to two significant figures.

Who is your favorite Pokemon?

Bulbasaur. I haven't played any of the newfangled versions, but I do remember playing pokémon red on my brother's old (OLD old, we're talking 1980's 5 lb. brick-sized you-could-choke-a-horse-with-this) gameboy, and not letting my bulbasaur evolve until it was like level 50. You know what I always wanted to see? A pokémon kill a person.

Do you have a message for the incoming class of 2012?

I think it goes without saying that I'd like to tell the class of 2012 that if they don't get into Currier, I feel bad for them.

Anything else you'd like to add/tell us?

Men: get into wetshaving. Taking the time to get a real good lather with a quality shaving cream and a badger's hair brush will just afford you a better shave.

Ladies: please, one at a time. No fighting -- there's enough to go around.

All my best,
Doug

*Gossip Geek would like to extend a big hug out to Doug and thank him for his time and effort. We're huge fans, and you should be too! Leave Doug some love in the comments section :)

Oh, and best of luck to Doug and artistic partner Clem Wright '09 on their performance in the SOCH Penthouse tonight!