Langdell: The New Lamont Bomb Shelter?

In light of our recent discovery of the relocation of Nikita Makarchev '11 to the Law School Library, we decided to conduct a small investigation on the library and its uses in the future, and especially its meaning to the freshmen. What we found was at once shocking and terrifying.Makarchev found in various desk areas around the library in several successive nights (see below). When we just thought it may be a Nikita "running away from stardom" thing, we found one of the most vulerable campus figures had taken to this refuge, as well.
The above photographs clearly depict popular freshman fixture Tyler Hall '11, the less military of the two Tyler Halls, hiding out in Langdell to escape the dangers of mistaken identity. We all know the story of the other Tyler Hall- a man hired by the UC to protect future presidents Jon T. Staff V '10 and Andrea Flores '10 and then seduced into mutiny by promises of lofty offices and the Harvard presidency once Drew Faust is overthrown. This controversy has made Hall into a wanted figure by his original employers, who found out through our exclusive coverage of these elaborate schemes. For the other Tyler Hall, the one who lives in peace and harmony and wears suits and bros it up all the time, life as he knows or death are separated only by the thread of mistaken identity.

Although the situation is particularly grave for Hall, rumors are that any and all freshmen with reasonable amounts of political clout are hiding out in Langdell to survive the inevitable political turbulence that is to come within the next few months. This explains the repeated Makarchev presence in the library, as well as cameo appearances by We have already covered extensively the UC overthrow plans that include, among others, Tyler G.(I.) Hall '11, Jarret Zafran '09, and an infinity of other conspirators who are planning to lay siege to the Sundquist empire. While Sundquist himself is reportedly too busy working on saving the damned victims of the Ad Board (we assume the legendary CEB representative and Mather HoCo treasurer Christopher "Kai" "Why did you leave before GossipGeek existed?!" Wu '09 to be among them) and Randall Sarafa '09 too busy raising UC funds in his elicit business, those that have something to lose are grabbing what they can and taking cover before the storm gets a little too cloudy to handle.