Overthrow of the UC May Involve More than the UC

We've been updating you lately on reports of a pan-campus UC takeover rumored to be taking form in various bastions of the Yard and Kirkland. We have a plethora of incriminating evidence: filmed negotiations between UC SAC chair Jon T. Staff V '10 and allegedly hired mercenary Tyler G. Hall '11, alleged reports of Headband Guy '08 in a camouflage headband with matching fedora, and, as if we needed another signal of the Apocalypse, the best article by Christopher Bruno Lacaria '09 ever (who would've thought he was a Yankees fan?). Today we bring you yet another nugget of the puzzle we are trying to piece together: yet more filmed negotiations with partisan hacks, but this time, they're out of the UC and out of control.

Dems President Jarret Zafran '09 is not one to shy away from controversy. Diplomacy, despite being the cornerstone of his organization, is fleeting and unrelenting with Zafran, who is increasingly less wont to hide his plans for university takeover. Our sources have reported that Zafran is not working with the Jon Staff-Tyler Hall camp, but is beginning to fund an independent army to take over the UC from the outside in a violent coup. Other sources claim that his coup could actually be a distraction for the Staff-Hall conglomerate prepared by Matt Sundquist '09 and Randall Sarafa '09. Sensing that their rule is in danger, they have outsourced protection of their institution to the Dems, who are openly anti-Wiley and his nefarious exploits.

Or are they? In the extremely vivid photograph below we can appreciate a conversation between Zafran and an unknown entity who may or may not be Drew Faust. Many in the business of college political scandals have studied this image, however, and come to the conclusion that none other than the Wiley-machine himself could be the recipient of instructions in this image. It is important to remind the audience that Wiley was a Democratic operative when the Harvard Republican Club deemed it logical for them to sponsor him, on account of the polo playing and their consistent track record of picking losing candidates. This man is clearly a loyal subject of Zafran himself.