Yesterday a Gossip Geek reporter spotted none other than hit singer & dancer Nicole Falcon handing out signed photos from a seat at Au Bon Pain. After rushing over for an autograph, our reporter began to chat and inadvertently received a valuable hint about the UC mystery race. Nicole, who was possibly intoxicated, led our reporter to believe that her brother, the scandalous Ejay Falcon (extra links here) of the mega-popular show Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition, is an incoming freshman this year, and better yet, as Nicole drunkenly raved, "He's running for president."
It quickly became apparent that there is no student enrolled under the name "Ejay Falcon." However, our reporters suspected that "Falcon" is a family pseudonym,
and after some tricky probing, we caught wind of an underground rumor that "Ejay" is enrolled under a second trendy pseudonym: Johnny Motley '12. "Johnny" is a strapping young Crimson wrestler who bears an uncanny resemblance to the teen heartthrob, with his sparkling grin and his lithe, hot, sculpted teenage body. It would be an alarming precedent for the UC to be manhandled by an incoming freshman, but if anyone can do it, it's Johnny Motley, with his influence in the Gov-jock crowd combined with his disarming good looks. With his alleged experience in the callboy industry, he may even be able to attract the invaluable assistance of Canaday Hothouse ringleader and UC Vice President Randall Sarafa. A quick scan of Motley's facebook profile reveals nothing about his platform or summer campaign team, but rumor has it that he's waiting for a dramatic entrance in which he'll set off literally thousands of fireworks while presiding over a military-style parade to showcase his power.
and after some tricky probing, we caught wind of an underground rumor that "Ejay" is enrolled under a second trendy pseudonym: Johnny Motley '12. "Johnny" is a strapping young Crimson wrestler who bears an uncanny resemblance to the teen heartthrob, with his sparkling grin and his lithe, hot, sculpted teenage body. It would be an alarming precedent for the UC to be manhandled by an incoming freshman, but if anyone can do it, it's Johnny Motley, with his influence in the Gov-jock crowd combined with his disarming good looks. With his alleged experience in the callboy industry, he may even be able to attract the invaluable assistance of Canaday Hothouse ringleader and UC Vice President Randall Sarafa. A quick scan of Motley's facebook profile reveals nothing about his platform or summer campaign team, but rumor has it that he's waiting for a dramatic entrance in which he'll set off literally thousands of fireworks while presiding over a military-style parade to showcase his power. Good luck, Johnny! And good luck to the other candidates, who must be trembling in their boots at this nasty surprise.
1 comment:
This is nonsense. No freshman is going to run for the UC Presidency.
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