UC Presidential Tickets Align in Light of Flores-Staff Break-up

The power mongers circling over the UC landscape scavenging for decomposing power are in for a feast this winter now that Jon T. Staff V '10 is studying abroad in Amsterdam, leaving renowned UC insider Andrea Flores '10 single and looking (for a running mate- prospective applicants may email us over here at GossipGeek for more info on contacting the superstar political economist). Since we broke the story hardly a day ago, the Insiders have been dying to talk to us about themselves and their loathesome adversaries in vivid detail, and today we can happily give you exclusive information about the UC race you won't find anywhere else. Here are the prospective UC Presidential Players for 2008:

• Ben Schwartz '10: Schwartz, of which nothing is known because he has a closed Facebook profile (other than that he has done extensive academic work in Chinese sociology), is rumored to "definitely" be running for the top spot, taking his cues from Roy "Above the Law" Wiley '09. He is a partial UC representative that apparently shares in current president Matt Sundquist '09's mental health obsession. Maybe he will give us more poster paper to doodle on in the dining hall this year? It was fun drawing lobsters all over my House's walls!

• Andrea Flores '10: I put her second on this list because she is a woman, and all things UC are inherently misogynistic. Also because she has already been talked about, since she is the candidate to beat. Some argue that Flores' FiComm chair status eliminates her from the running, just like being a senator destroys Barack Obama '91's chances at the real presidency. Race may be an issue as well. And then, you know, there's the whole being the first FiComm chair to end in a surplus thing, the buying people free coffee thing, and the nice accessibility to her that many bigwigs don't have. Developing story.

• Roxy Wacyk '10: The rambunctious Matherite is playing her chips either in HoCo or the UC, but it is unclear whether she will throw her hat in the campus ring rather than the House one. GG is being told that she has discussed running with Leverett social chair Charles James '10, who may or may not rise to the challenge.

• Alex Copulsky '10: One of the most talented comedians on campus, Copulsky may spearhead the Magnus-Tom/Hwang-Wong/Martel-Zimmermann effort this year. It is unclear whether he will eliminate the Crimson, but he may be the one to support.

• Mary Cox '08: Rumored campaign manager to Ben Schwartz '10. Shady Character of which little is known.

• Tamar Holoshitz '10: Handpicked successor to Jon Staff in the SAC, Tamar lost the top spot on the committee to the Staffster by one vote. She is popular and known to be "nice", and by skyrocketing to the top of the SAC positions herself perfectly for a run on one of the tickets, if not one of her own. Has the world open at her feet: both Flores and Schwartz are rumored to want her, but if not, she may be a presidential candidate of her own.

• Nworah Ayogu '10: "Oops! I guess voting by proxy is illegal!" That's the simplest way to summarize Ayogu's contributions to the UC. His freshman year, he tried to vote by proxy, much to the chagrin of Matt Valente '08-'09, who cataloged the fiasco in his legendary UC notes to Currier House. Ayogu may be tapped to be a Schwartz veep, though the pair have much to negotiate beforehand.

• Tony Britt '10: A mega-veep of galactic proportions, it is suspected that the affable chap may be veeping for Flores of Holoshitz, depending on certain negotiations between the UC's two most powerful women, and depending on whether Britt challenges Flores for her FiComm chair in the fall.