Stories of Sin from Harvard's Very Own Ron Jeremy

For most Harvard folk, the name Matt Di Pasquale '08 harks back to little more than a generic character off of Friends or Will and Grace or some other pathetic excuse for comedy that everyone in high school gobbled down incomprehensibly. For Dunster residents, however, the name has a much more sinister connotation than even Matthew Perry.

Di Pasquale has become notorious on the Moose-Droppings digest for ravaging (pun intended) this list with demands for pictures of "hot Harvard girls" and lecherously spying on Dunsterites who he wants to corrupt for the purposes of his new Harvard publication, Diamond Magazine, a porn rag that promises all the rough, mindless t&a the classy folks over at H-Bomb deny us in the name of "art" (We can only wonder if H-Bomb deprives us of an actual magazine as well in the name of "art").

This post serves as more of a public service announcement than a bit of harmless, juicy gossip. The CEO of Diamond Porn Rag has been a little too friendly with some of our tipsters lately- tipsters were are sworn to protect. Think of Gossip Geek as an Ivy-League Justice League, out to take care of the meek masses in need of a wing to be taken under. Di Pasquale victims, Mozambique is here for you.

Our tipsters have notified us that Di Pasquale has requested of them aid in using a condom in the middle of the night, although he has also in the past attempted to make wild orgies out of Dunster HoCo events, and is known to reside only in a computer lab in the Moose House. He is also allegedly conspiring with one Norman Goode '10, who we are told is the owner of a photo studio that will be used to complete the dirty deeds.

We are also extremely concerned for those that choose to appear (or, rather, are involuntarily featured in) our pages. According to Harvard OTR, Di Pasquale is a member of the Harvard Magic Society, an organization rooted deep in the heart of Harvard Houdini Harrison D. Greenbaum '08. We pray Mr. Di Pasquale will limit his corruption to only women, as Greenbaum's innocence is already under siege from Conservative Wannabe Queen Bee Lucy G. Caldwell '09. But we wouldn't mind seeing Harrison do Diamond sometime.

While we here at Gossip Geek have to stress a very loose solidarity with the vague concept of celebritization and appreciation of Harvard undergrads (unlike those grumps over at The Crimson who have made the ridiculous claim that "Residential houses should not be places where undergraduates feel objectified"- I wish I was objectified in my house more often, if you know what I mean- but apparently Di Pasquale isn't into dudes all the time), asking Dunsterites to share condoms with you is a little low-brow for a sophisticated organization such as Gossip Geek, and thus we condemn Di Pasquale for being creepy. Shame on you, Matt.


-hey hey-Mozambique-hey hey-