Housing Day Epilogue: Our 9(or just 5) Theses Against the Housing Powers-that-be

If you know anything about anything regarding our site, you should know better than to think we would have nothing to say about Housing Day. That said, given that both within our ranks of talent and our ranks of celebrity there have been some evildoings courtesy of Josh McIntosh- who, by the way, rhymes- and company, we just couldn't keep out mouths shut. Here's Housing Day in a nutshell:

• Dueling mascots makes miserable Harvard existence worthwhile. Can someone on the HoCos (or, if we're feeling lucky, the UC) get on a pan-House mascot brawl?

• We realize PfoHo was long overdue for some sexy sexies and star power the likes haven't been seen since the spectacular Shawn Liu '07 (pictured- he's the Asian one) of "Moist" fame, but DJ Smolinsky '11 deserved better than being exiled to the batshit-crazy insane asylum of the Quad that is Pforzheimer. In other news, the Headband legacy is secure: Headband Guy Zwei, Johnny Bowman '11, is officially a pfohoser.
  

• While we're on the undeserving House rant, and Nikita Makarchev '11 and Vishal Lugani '11 in the same House? and LOWELL of all places (Lowell is notorious for its shitty t-shirts and doppelganger-prone celebs)? We predict one of the two will transfer before the inevitable house open list war gets too out of hand. We also predict Nikita to be one of the most prominent posters on any House open list ever.

• As for the HoCos themselves: Cabot's giant penis-fish was apparently not impressive enough for the Crimson's front page, which opted for a picture of our newest obsession, Currierite exhibitionist extraordinaire Douglas Duquette '09. The Mather House gorilla was typically humorous, and their shirts typically vaguely designed so as to be completely unclear in theory. Winthrop was late to everything and apparently had no freshmen. Eliot didn't exist, and Adams inexplicably had a dude walking around on stilts, which made them look like even bigger douchebags than that guy with the megaphone and red tuxedo that they always carry around (from hereon only referred to as "Tuxedo Mask" and we'll be on the lookout for shortly). Lowell gets mega-props for the most makeshift costume of the bunch- a bell tower (seen here jousting the almost equally-makeshift Currier tree):

• Speaking of Currier, it looks like they have the UC presidential post secured for the next two years now as recompense for their lackluster attempt last time around with unsung 2011 megastar Josh Zagorsky '11, commonly referred to as "that guy that keeps asking weird questions at UC meetings." Between Zagorsky and the Flores-Staff mega machine, it looks like John Haddock '07's legacy is secure.