Falcon/Bardenweper UC Ticket Becomes Eminent Threat to Flores/Britt/Schwartz/Voith/Faust/Kaufman!

Last week was a busy one here at Gossip Geek offices. With reports flooding the inboxes from around the world of the impending UC "clusterfuck" (as one senior operative labeled it) and all its possible participants, we deduced that the most serious presidential threats came from two sources: Andrea Flores '10 and Ejay Falcon aka Johnny Motley '12, one of them, of course, for being involved in the UC, and the other for reaping major celeb points from hit TV series Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition Plus™. While Flores had a plethora of hungry veeps napping at her toes like hungry LOLcats starved for trickle-down presidential power, giving her the upper hand in this race, we were worried that poor old Johnny Motley may, due to his status as incoming freshman and former callboy, have a bit of a hard time finding a running mate.

We must now admit that our fears have been completely thawed by Falcon's subsequent political brilliance, and will 100% endorse Ejay Falcon for the nod should he run.

We would also like to point out that, when asked to comment on the UC's impending doom, UC secretary and Class of '11 all-star Maia Usui '11 could only respond with elated paroxysms of "Ejay is coming to Harvard!!! Ejay I love you!! You can be my Manila call boy anytime!!" Usui fainted little after we initially requested comment.
Looking through the Harvard Class of 2012 group, attempting to scrounge out any possible UC buzz we could was no easy process. For one, the group is littered with sketchy non-frosh members-- to give you an idea, sometime Caldwell paramour Harrison Greenbaum '08 and the ever-enigmatic Bonnie Kavoussi '11 were some of the first names to pop up. Yet, loyal reader, we waded through this bog of immorality to bring you the real beef: the meat and potatoes of next year's UC race. It took us about five seconds to see the light: Falcon has no other choice in this race but blockbuster new-artist-smash Bud Bardenwerper '12.

Bardenwerper, a graduate of St. Alban's and all-star footballer, is more than meets the eye. A goofy white guy by nature, Bardenwerper expresses interest in all things covertly UC, the things every UC president must share unbridled love for: Daddy Yankee, samurai, Iraq, and a strange fascination with tropical dictatorships and their yummy cigars. With no UC experience-- and therefore no major UC fuckups--to tarnish his record. Bardenwerper brings a name, a face, and a lot of gringo-tude to the game, which, in a year where the campaigns are really feeling the hit of affirmative action, may not exactly be a disadvantage. Plus, someone has to balance out the overwhelming pinoy passion that Falcon will bring to the game.

We can only guess, but at this point, the Falcon presidency is slightly more than a given. To get to know your future leader a bit more, here is an interview we scrouged up with "Johnny Motley" about his plans to take over the world: